Month: October 2020

5 Best Gift Cards to Send to Someone Diagnosed With Breast Cancer

If a loved one has been diagnosed with breast cancer, we suggest allowing them the space and time to process that information as they learn to adjust their life accordingly. Once the shock settles, they may end up getting involved with cancer support groups or checking in more often with friends and family (learn How to Build a Give InKind Support Page for Someone Diagnosed with Breast Cancer). 

At this time, one of the best ways to organize your support is by setting up a gift card train. Gift card trains are especially useful in the midst of a medical crisis, as they provide your recipient with immediate relief for essential entertainment, travel, or critical self-care opportunities. 

Some might choose to purchase a medical gift, but that’s a gift that might only remind the recipient of their situation (It can end up being a gift that saddens them more than reassures them). Rather, gift cards that supplement the cost of entertainment, cozy new clothes, or unique family outings are of the utmost importance at this time. 

Amie’s Story: Aggressive Cancer Unleashes a Warrior

A 37 year-old mom of two young boys, and now a cancer patient who needed to focus on healing.

After a 20 hour car ride towards summer vacation with two small children in the car, Amie was ready to relax and start some much needed R&R. But one phone call changed everything.

“I was 37, a mom of two young boys, a wife, and now a cancer patient.”

For several months Amie had battled a sore throat and was just not feeling well. After six months she knew she needed real answers. It wasn’t just a cold, it wasn’t allergies – she knew something was wrong.

“When I got the diagnosis of Head & Neck cancer, Squamous Cell Carcinoma, I went into warrior-mode. It wasn’t about a fighting warrior, but rather a loving one. I was going to love myself and accept others’ love to get me through the biggest fight of my life.”

Amie would need extremely aggressive treatment, and immediately. She got on a plane within hours of the phone call, and began her cancer journey. She would need to undergo two surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy and would bear extreme pain through it all.

Amie’s friends knew they wanted to provide some tangible support for her family – they set up a Give InKind page to facilitate all she needed.

“I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t cook, I was tired all the time and had a constant flow of doctors appointments and treatments. And because of my surgery, I was unable to talk so I didn’t want phone calls. I was saving any voice I had to greet my kids after school.”

A Give InKind Care Calendar was set up for the real things the family needed –  carpools for the kids, grocery shopping, a meal train, rides to appointments, even someone to walk the dog. 

“I was even able to link my PayPal for those who were distant but still wanted to show support. The funds were used for all my alternative and supportive therapies, it was amazing.”

Amie successfully completed her chemo and radiation treatment, ultimately enduring three rounds of chemo and 6 weeks of daily radiation. The radiation therapy included burns on her tongue and down her throat making speech painful and eating solid food impossible. They utilized their Give InKind page for an entire year as the healing continued.

“I was able to update my progress through my Give InKind page without having to use my social media channels – keep it separate for those who were closest to me and my care. No phone calls, no texting really allowed me to focus on me and my family.”

Two years later, Amie continues to heal but feels “strong.” 

“I’m really proud of how far I’ve come,” said the mom who recently completed a sprint triathlon.

She reflects often about her experiences that shape who she is today.

“There are no trophies for doing things alone, we need each other.”

“The support I received through Give InKind and my community allowed me the space and attention I needed to battle this cancer – and heal  – knowing people were there to help.”

If you or someone you know is coping with a cancer diagnosis, see how to set up an InKind support page here.  

Helping Heather Kick Cancer

When different kinds of help are needed, and the outpouring of support is overwhelming.

“How is let’s make sure you don’t have cancer, an elective procedure?”  That was Heather Queen’s reaction when she called to make an appointment to have a lump she found in her breast checked out – just as COVID shut the world down.

It would be weeks until she was allowed in for the proper detection that soon turned her world around with a positive diagnosis of breast cancer. But in May, the journey towards a double mastectomy and follow up treatments began.

“I was shocked by the diagnosis, even though I had other procedures previously to watch carefully at the potential for cancer – I just wasn’t thinking it would actually be positive this time,” said Heather.

Heather is a wife and mother of two girls, 12 and 15. “I’m always the giver when people need something, I am the last to want to receive help.”

But when her friend Kerri heard she was going to need surgery that would make it hard to physically endure day-to-day activities, she knew she wanted to find a way to best support Heather.

“I found Give InKind because we needed a meal train, but one that could accommodate not only dinners but options to add other things as the months progressed,” said Kerri, who created Heather’s Give InKind page. “I’m an organizer, it’s part of my make up, so having an easy-to-use tool like Give InKind made everything seamless.”

The outpouring of support in food deliveries after Heather’s double mastectomy was overwhelming.

“Within five minutes of us sending out the email to our friends all the slots were filled. We added more including breakfast and lunches which really helped my children have good warm meals when I could barely figure out how to put food on the table,” said Heather.

The doorbell rang often, but also with Give InKind gift boxes, each one a little different from people who weren’t able to drop off a meal but wanted to show their love and support. “It was so wonderful to feel such a connection to my community.”

When the initial surgery and recovery was going well, Heather learned that the cancer was found in her lymph nodes and she would need extensive radiation as well.

“I raised the white flag, the exhaustion from radiation was overwhelming and the thought of making dinner was just a lot,” Heather described.

Heather shared her cancer journey with friends and family very openly not realizing it would also allow her to teach others about cancer, getting screened, and what the process really felt like. Now, just a few months later, she has people reach out to her with new diagnoses themselves and heed her advice. One of her most popular requests, what do people need after a double mastectomy?

“Breast cancer is more common than it should be. Having an open dialog and figuring out each person’s needs is so important. Give InKind was part of my solution.”

See how to create a Give InKind Support Page for someone diagnosed with breast cancer here.

What Do People Need After a Double Mastectomy?

Give InKind Support Recipient, Heather received a positive diagnosis of breast cancer and received a double mastectomy as a result. She was kind enough to share her list of must-haves, nice-to-haves, and hospital needs as she recovered from major surgery and began radiation.

Read Heather’s story here.

Post-Mastectomy Must Have’s

Post-Mastectomy Nice-to-Have’s

Pre and Post-Op For the Hospital

  • Eye mask – for resting/sleeping during the day
  • Earplugs – for noise reduction from machines
  • Portable phone charger – because who can remember to bring a phone charger?
  • Hairbrush/hair ties – to keep hair out of your face
  • Toothbrush – disposables are nice for the patient and family who may stay overnight
  • Larger-than-normal zip-up shirt/sweatshirt – for easily getting dressed after being discharged

How To Build A Give InKind Page for New Parents of Multiples

Give InKind’s Care Calendar helps answer the central question of how to give or receive support. In this case, how to set up a support page for yourself, a friend, or a family member who has welcomed twins, triplets, or other multiples.

Getting Started

Any new baby is a shock to the system – and an explosion of love and learning. Double or triple that? Bring it. However, a village must gather and organize. Begin by identifying a close friend or family member who can sit down with both parents to understand schedules, and anything else parents may wish to factor in. The so-called Fourth trimester is always complicated and beautiful, but when the work is double or triple it can be overwhelming. Make sure to check-in. If a new parent shares that s/he is overwhelmed, remind that anyone would be. Ask what concrete thing you can do to help. If they seem hesitant to say, make specific suggestions. Listen carefully. Create channels of communication. (Take a look at a Sample Give InKind Support Page for a Family Welcoming Multiples.)

Care Calendar

For parents of newborn multiples, getting organized is key. Add as many items to the custom Care Calendar are necessary. In coordinating help, you are demonstrating the village in action. You are showing parents that you have their back(s) during a time through which they may feel exhausted and vulnerable, even as they love their babies.

  • Food: Meals and groceries for the family are always among the most popular calendar items. This is especially true for parents of multiples. These parents seldom have a free hand. Being fed is being loved. Send as much food as ready to eat as possible. Do the parents have any dietary restrictions? If the mom is learning to nurse, be mindful of any ingredients that might impact lactation. Bonus points for protein bars and other things can be eaten with one hand. Consider delivering food in bell jars portioned out – ready to dump into a microwave bowl, heat, and eat. Or, go ahead and organize a gift card train – so that they can decide what they want to eat and when.
  • Childcare: If there are older children to consider, you can easily build that into the Care Calendar. It is always nice to celebrate the singular role of older children as their place in the family shifts. Parents of multiples comment that the most helpful thing anyone did for them was taking their older child/ren on an outing and giving them some extra love and attention.
  • Pet Care: Are there pets to care for? Arrange daily dog walks.
  • Home Services: Add calendar events for tasks like housecleaning while they’re at the pediatrician for a check-up or schedule a gigantic weekly laundry wash and fold session. Is there a lot of furniture to assemble? Two cribs? Two high chairs? Go to it. Remember not to visit unless asked to do so. If you are dropping something off, drop and run.
  • Other: “Other” is the ultimate catch-all category. This is a great way to create opportunities for connections. If a new mom is learning to nurse, check in with her about that. Remind her that many women find it stressful and painful. See whether she could use any support, and remind her that fed is best. Love wins the day. Designate an evening to a Ladies Night video call for mom, or a recurring day for Friends and Family video call.

Fundraising

The fundraising section can be beneficial for unexpected expenses. Ask whether extra cash would be useful. If there is such a need, simply enable the fundraising button on your InKind page and connect your PayPal or GoFundMe account.

Wishlist

The Give InKind Wishlist is another opportunity for others to meaningfully support a quarantined family with new babies. Remember that for multiples, it is necessary to have twice the gear for twins, three times as much for triplets, and so on. Also recommended by parents pajamas that zip (no buttons or snaps) and more swaddle blankets than you ever thought possible. Browse Give InKind’s curated list for suggested items. When you see an item that could be helpful, use the “+” icon to add to your Wishlist.

You may also add an existing Amazon Wishlist to your InKind page for items that may be leftover from their registry.

Communication Preferences

Use Give InKind’s do-not-disturb section to let others know about the family’s communication preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences can be easily turned on or off as a situation changes.

  • Phone Calls: How do the parents like to communicate – a phone call or text? With a new baby, it can be impossible to know when the baby is sleeping. Parents of multiples often find schedules to be important, so make sure not to call or text unless you know it will not disrupt their sleep schedules.
  • Visitors: Ask parents about their level of comfort with visitors. Parents may welcome visitors – but make sure to define parameters and create definite boundaries. We lovingly remind that visits should be short.
  • Flowers: Flowers can be great to brighten up a home. In this case, they may not the most important thing, but they are still very lovely and certainly worth considering.

Updates

Add unlimited updates to keep friends and family informed. This is a great place for a designated page manager to keep family and friends up to date or for the recipient to “blog” or “journal” their experience if they wish to do so. Add as many updates as you or the parents like to keep friends and family up to date. Create your Give InKind Support Page here.

If you have any further questions, visit Give InKind’s Help Center or view our helpful articles about new babies/multiples.

How To Build A Give InKind Page for a Family Who Has Adopted A Child

Give InKind’s support pages offer assistance to those wanting to know how to be most helpful to a loved one.  Here, we consider how to set up a Give InKind page for someone who has recently adopted a child.

Getting Started

Begin by celebrating this addition to a family. The road to parenthood varies wildly and the adoption journey is often arduous. This is worth remembering. Couples and families sometimes choose not to be public about their process because it can itself be so unpredictable. International adoption is often layered in bureaucracy and requires both tenacity and patience. Foster-to-adopt situations may hang up in family court. There are complexities to navigate. At the end of it all, parents would do it again 1000 times, but it is not easy. So when adoption has been finalized, celebrate! In celebrating, remember to amplify the love and perseverance that joined all the parties. Celebrate the reciprocal love. Go extra. (see a sample Give InKind Support Page for a Family Who Has Recently Adopted a Child).

Care Calendar

Take the opportunity to learn more about an individual path to adoption. Did a parent wait for months overseas as courts granted necessary permission? Were there adoptions that had looked initially promising but did not come to fruition? If a child is older, what sorts of adjustments were challenging in terms of building trust? Listen carefully. This listening ear alone is a gift and the trove of treasures it offers will inform the quality of care the Give InKind Care Calendar scaffolds.  Use the Care Calendar to add as many actionable items that are needed to help provide care in any configuration.

  • Food: Meals and groceries are always the first items to be claimed. Food is love. If prepared meals are not an option, think about setting up a Gift Card Train that includes options for takeout. Depending upon whether there are older children at home, the flexibility afforded by gift cards is invaluable. Always be mindful of any food allergies, preferences, or aversions. 
  • Childcare: (If applicable) Are there older children at home? Make sure to offer to help ferry them to their various commitments. This is helpful as it creates time and space for parents to bond with their new arrival. 
  • Adult/Senior Care: If the new parent is a member of the “Sandwich Generation” and has aging parents, build them into the calendar. Make sure they have rides to the doctor and can get to and from religious services.  
  • Pet Care: (If applicable) Are there pets to care for? It may be helpful to make temporary arrangements for necessary dog walks, feedings, or pet-sitting. Don’t forget small pets too – guinea pig food refills, and etc. 
  • Home Services: From maintenance appointments to helping with chores around the house, use this category for any home services that they may feel like too much. In particular, consider laundry services, house cleaning, etc. 
  • Other: “Other” is the ultimate catch-all category. This is a great way to create opportunities for connection that can sometimes get lost in the amazing and joyful chaos of the da-to-day. “Other” can be used for miscellaneous general support such as movie nights.

Fundraising

People will have different financial circumstances. Fees associated with adoption may have accrued. You can ask whether cash donations might be useful. If there is such a need, simply enable the fundraising button on your Give InKind page and connect your PayPal and/or GoFundMe account.

Wishlist

The Give InKind Wishlist is another opportunity for others to meaningfully celebrate families with a new addition. Browse Give InKind’s curated list for suggested items that could help in their unique situation. In addition to take-out, you can include other more non-traditional gift cards as well. When you see an item that could be helpful, use the “+” icon to add to their Wishlist.

You may also add an existing Amazon Wishlist to your Give InKind page.

Communication Preferences

Use Give InKind’s do-not-disturb section to let others know about the recipient’s communication preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences can be easily turned on or off as a situation changes.

  • Phone Calls: What is the best way for others to reach out with messages of congratulations? A phone call or a text? It a lot to new parents even when they can’t always respond immediately. 
  • Visitors: Does the recipient want visitors? If so, when? 
  • Flowers: Is the recipient open to receiving flowers? Some people love them. Go ahead and ask. 

Updates

Add unlimited updates to keep friends and family informed. This is a great place for a designated page manager to keep family and friends up to date or for the recipient to “blog” or “journal” their experience. 

New parents/growing families need all the help they can get. It is delightful and chaos in equal measure. People will advise you of the parameters of their comfort level in terms of support. In any circumstance, they deeply appreciate offers of assistance. Create your Give InKind Support Page here.

If you have any further questions, visit Give InKind’s Help Center or view our helpful articles about how to support adoptive parents. 

 

How To Build a Give InKind Page for a Military Support

Give InKind’s Care Calendar helps answer the central question of how to give or receive support. In this case, we look at how to set up a support page for a military family. Remember that the necessary support will depend on the individual circumstances of a specific family. This guide is intended only to frame ideas in broad strokes and to demonstrate the flexibility of the Give InKind Care Calendar.  

Getting Started

Begin by understanding the type of help that is needed. Is a family being moved to a different military base? Is a parent active-duty service person being deployed overseas? Is an active duty combatant returning home after a deployment? Are there children in the family unit? Start by sitting down and talking either to a member of the recipient family or to a person close to them. Once a situation has been defined, a care calendar can be created and shared. Remember that pages can reflect all situations – from supporting a state-side parent to supporting a returning veteran – and everything in between. (Take a look at a Sample Give InKind Support Page for a Military Family.)

Care Calendar

Managing the unique challenges of military families takes a village. Add as many items to the Care Calendar as necessary. These items can be customized and are pertinent to the logistics of moving, to managing a household without a partner present for long periods, or to the reality of life after combat injury. Military parents sometimes comment that no matter how many “fun days” and military discounts exist, that the specific worries and concerns they face can be challenging given the immediate relevance of world affairs on their lives.

  • Food: If an active duty military parent is deployed, the parent at home will need some extra help. Meals and groceries are always tremendously helpful. Gift cards, in particular, are helpful – they mean a stop for dinner after baseball practice. (No shopping, no dishes.) In providing a little extra food love, remember to consider food allergies, preferences, etc. 
  • Childcare: If there are children to consider, you can easily build that into the Care Calendar. Offering to take someone to something enables a parent at home to catch up on things there. For non-military families who befriend military families, take the time to understand how the rhythm of their family life differs from that of civilian life. Find the ways that you are positioned to be most helpful – and offer to step in. 
  • Pet Care: Are there pets to care for? If so, see how to address this need.
  • Home Services: Add calendar events for things that a parent may not know how to do, or who would not be able to do without someone else there. We are talking about removing leaves from gutters, helping to identify services they may not have needed before arriving in a new region (snow removal).
  • Other: “Other” is the ultimate catch-all category. This is a great way to create opportunities for connections. Plan a drinks-on-the-front-porch party. Designate an evening to a Ladies Night video call for mom.

Fundraising

The fundraising section can be beneficial for unexpected expenses. Ask whether extra cash would be useful. If there is such a need, simply enable the fundraising button on your Give InKind page and connect your PayPal or GoFundMe account.

Wishlist

The Give InKind Wishlist is another opportunity for others to meaningfully support a quarantined family with a new baby. Browse Give InKind’s curated list for suggested items. When you see an item that could be helpful, use the “+” icon to add to your Wishlist.

You may also add an existing Amazon Wishlist to your Give InKind page for items that may be leftover from their registry.

Communication Preferences

Use Give InKind’s do-not-disturb section to let others know about the family’s communication preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences can be easily turned on or off as a situation changes.

 

  • Phone Calls: How do the parents like to communicate – a phone call or text? Do they love FaceTime or WhatsApp? (Note: Make sure their phone plans cover as much digital as possible as they do not want to drop a call from a loved one overseas.)
  • Visitors:  Depending upon the situation, visitors may be great helpers, childcare providers, etc. (Whether or not you enable this option will depend upon the situation.)
  • Flowers: Whether you enable this option will depend upon the specific situation. If a family is packing to move? No. If an enlisted person is returning home? Possibly. Consider the situation and then decide whether it makes sense to ask your recipient.

Updates

Add unlimited updates to keep friends and family informed. This is a great place for a designated page manager to keep family and friends up to date or for the recipient to “blog” or “journal” their experience if they wish to do so. A family that has been given a new base assignment or living arrangement can send pictures of their journey. Or, a stateside parent may use updates to ask for specific kinds of support (last-minute Halloween target run, hot glue refill sticks). Add as many updates as you or the parents like to keep friends and family up to date. Create your Give InKind Support Page here.

If you have any further questions, visit Give InKind’s Help Center or view our helpful articles about support for our military families.

How To Build A Give InKind Page for Someone With a New Baby

Give InKind’s Care Calendar helps answer the central question of how to give or receive support. In this case, how to set up a support page for yourself, a friend, or a family member who has a newborn baby.

Getting Started

Begin by identifying a close friend or family member who is able to sit down with both parents to understand schedules, food preferences, and anything else that may make their situation easier. The so-called Fourth trimester is a challenging, beautiful, complicated time.  In offering help, you are letting parents know that you understand this to be the case. Make sure to validate their actual experience with the challenges and all – it’s normal. If a new parent shares that s/he is overwhelmed, remind of a time when you were too. Create a channel of communication that rests on love – with no judgment. (Take a look at a Sample Give InKind Support Page for a Family Welcoming a Newborn.)

Care Calendar

For parents of a newborn, the opportunity to bond without distraction is a gift. Add as many items to the Care Calendar as necessary to enable them to bond with their baby. In helping to coordinate help, you are demonstrating the village in action. You are showing parents that while they may feel unsure as to whether they can do this, you know that they can.

  • Food:  Meals and groceries for the family are always among the most popular calendar items. This is especially true for new parents. Being fed is being loved. TIP: Many remember new parenthood as a blur. That said, most can remember the best meal they received. (One Give InKind staff member received a complete meal in a picnic basket with cutlery rolled in napkins and candles to light.) Do the parents have any dietary restrictions? If the mom is learning to nurse, be mindful of any ingredients that might impact lactation. Is anyone allergic to anything? Do they prefer home-cooked, takeout, and/or frozen meals?
  • Childcare:  If there are older children to consider, you can easily build that into the Care Calendar. It is always nice to celebrate the singular role of older children as their place in the family shifts. Offering to take an older sibling to the playground or for ice-cream allows parents to focus on the new baby – and maybe for them to take a quick nap.
  • Pet Care: Are there pets to care for? Arrange daily dog walks.
  • Home Services: Add calendar events for tasks like housecleaning while they’re at the pediatrician for a check-up or schedule a weekly laundry wash and fold session. Depending on the comfort level, you can either pick up their laundry or do it in their home while visiting with them. Remember, on your way out go ahead and grab the garbage ninja-clean style. When a baby is actually mobile, help them to install safety gear.
  • Other: “Other” is the ultimate catch-all category. This is a great way to create opportunities for connections. If a new mom is learning to nurse, check in with her about that. Remind her that many women find it stressful and painful. See whether she could use any support, and remind her that fed is best. Designate an evening to a Ladies Night video call for mom, or a recurring day for Friends and Family video call.

Fundraising

The fundraising section can be beneficial for unexpected expenses. Ask whether extra cash would be useful. If there is such a need, simply enable the fundraising button on your InKind page and connect your PayPal or GoFundMe account.

Wishlist

The Give InKind Wishlist is another opportunity for others to meaningfully support a quarantined family with a new baby. Browse Give InKind’s curated list for suggested items. When you see an item that could be helpful, use the “+” icon to add to your Wishlist.

You may also add an existing Amazon Wishlist to your InKind page for items that may be leftover from their registry.

Communication Preferences

Use Give InKind’s do-not-disturb section to let others know about the family’s communication preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences can be easily turned on or off as a situation changes.

 

  • Phone Calls: How do the parents like to communicate – a phone call or text? With a new baby, it can be impossible to know when the baby is sleeping.  Parents may not be available to talk on the phone, but do appreciate texts.
  • Visitors: Ask parents about their level of comfort with visitors. A home with a newborn is a universe unto itself. Parents may welcome visitors – but make sure to define parameters and create definite boundaries.
  • Flowers: Flowers can be great to brighten up a home. In this case, they may not the most important thing, but they are still very lovely and certainly worth considering.

Updates

Add unlimited updates to keep friends and family informed. This is a great place for a designated page manager to keep family and friends up to date or for the recipient to “blog” or “journal” their experience if they wish to do so. We know that with a newborn, they’re changing every day. Add as many updates as you or the parents like to keep friends and family up to date. Create your InKind Support Page here.

If you have any further questions, visit Give InKind’s Help Center or view our helpful articles about new babies.

How To Build A Give InKind Page for Someone Coping With the Loss of a Parent

Give InKind’s support pages offer assistance to those wanting to know how to be helpful to a loved one in a time of need. Here, we consider how to set up a Give InKind page for someone who has recently experienced the loss of a parent. 

Getting Started

The loss of a parent is a seismic shift in the life of an individual – and forever alters the composition of a family. The immediate needs of a family will vary in the aftermath. Always begin with loving expressions of support. The immediate needs of a family will depend upon a myriad of things, including whether there are young children, whether there is accrued medical debt, issues related to settling an estate, or planning a funeral. (See a sample Give InKind Support Page for Someone Experiencing the loss of a parent.) 

Care Calendar

The family situation of the person experiencing the loss of a parent is a good place to begin. If the parent who has died has minor child/ren, planning for their care is important. If the parent was older, consider their adult children. Be mindful of the fact that an adult child may have been extremely close to the parent. For this reason, the fact that the survivor is an adult does not negate their need for continuing support (both tangible and intangible). If the circumstances of the death were sudden and unexpected, consider the layer of trauma that will likely accompany the mourning process. If the death was expected, the actual event itself is always shocking. Listen well. Use the Care Calendar to add as many actionable items that are needed to help provide care. 

  • Food: Meals and groceries are always the first items to be claimed on any calendar. Providing food to families is immensely helpful.  If prepared meals are not an option think about setting up a Gift Card Train that includes options for takeout so that family and friends have flexibility as to how and when they use them.  
  • Childcare: (If applicable) If the deceased parent leaves young children, prioritize their care. Consider turning on privacy settings for the calendar. Children who are experiencing trauma may not be comfortable being entertained by people they don’t know well, so consider whether you are best placed to offer this service (with thanks.) 
  • Adult/Senior Care: If the deceased parent was also a member of the “Sandwich Generation” and had aging parents, it is necessary to consider them as well. Check to be sure that their prescription refills are current, that they can worship as they wish, and that they receive necessary assistance with groceries or medical appointments. 
  • Pet Care: (If applicable) Are there pets to care for? It may be helpful to make arrangements for necessary dog walks, feedings, or pet-sitting. 
  • Home Services: Use this category for any home services that they may feel like too much. If the death of a parent has created a lot of traffic in the home, consider sending a housecleaning service. Consider laundry services, yard work, etc. 
  • Other: “Other” is the ultimate catch-all category. This is a great way to create opportunities for connection. This is a good time to reflect on the survivor as an individual. This is a good time to consider the things they find comforting. If they love music, create an item to send a Spotify playlist. If they love to binge-watch series to get out of their heads, Hulu can provide a welcome respite from shouldering the exhaustion of grief. If they need some support while visiting an estate attorney, offer to accompany them.  

Fundraising

People will have different financial circumstances. Make sure to identify a person who will be able to ask about this in a gentle and non-judgmental manner. Are there funeral expenses? Is there an accrued medical debt? If there is such a need, simply enable the fundraising button on your Give InKind page and connect your PayPal and/or GoFundMe account.

Wishlist

The Give InKind Wishlist is another opportunity for others to meaningfully support a person in need of a little extra help. Browse Give InKind’s curated list for suggested items that could help in their unique situation. In addition to take-out, you can include other more non-traditional gift cards as well. When you see an item that could be helpful, use the “+” icon to add to their Wishlist. 

You may also add an existing Amazon Wishlist to your Give InKind page.

Communication Preferences

Use Give InKind’s do-not-disturb section to let others know about the recipient’s communication preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences can be easily adjusted as the situation changes.

 

  • Phone Calls: Does the recipient want to communicate with others? If so, what is the best way for others to reach out – a phone call or text? Many people appreciate expressions of support even if they can’t respond immediately. Texts and cards are really nice. 
  • Visitors: Does the recipient want visitors? If so, when? 
  • Flowers: Is the recipient open to receiving flowers? Check to see whether they have enabled this offering on their Give InKind page. Some families prefer a donation in honor of their loved one in lieu of flowers. (But, to be honest, few object to a bouquet expressing love.)

Updates

Add unlimited updates to keep friends and family informed. This is a great place for a designated page manager to keep family and friends up to date or for the recipient to “blog” or “journal” their experience. 

There is no one response to grief. The parent/child relationship is as primal as it gets. Making sure to spend time – and mindfully finding ways to demonstrate continued presence is always appreciated. The bereaved may not always be available to respond at the moment – but know that efforts to show support matter a great deal. Create your Give InKind Support Page here.

If you have any further questions, visit Give InKind’s Help Center or view our helpful articles about how to someone coping with the loss of a parent. 

How To Build A Give InKind Page for Disenfranchised Grief & Loss

At Give InKind, we understand that life is messy and that not all grief fits conveniently into a box. Our Care Calendar is designed to reflect that fact. For example, grown children estranged from their family of origin will tend to find “proxy” parents. When these people die, the quasi-“adoptee” is not listed in an obituary as a survivor. These “Ambiguous losses” (the end of the line for fertility treatments, a child in foster care is returned to a family of origin, the loss of a close friend, or the loss of a beloved pet) – each of these is deeply painful. These are but a few examples of traumatic life experiences that do not neatly fall into one category. Here, we consider how to set up a more general (but effective) Give InKind page for someone who is grieving in a void for which there is little formal recognition. 

Getting Started

When you see someone struggling with grief or loss for which no greeting cards exist beyond a generic “thinking of you,” it can be hard to know what to do. It can be hard to know whether validating their experience is actually helpful or overreach. Begin by validating the difficulty of their experience and your wish to help. At Give InKind, we remind that loving expressions of concern are incredibly powerful. One can gauge how much formal help people are comfortable accepting by asking. Making sure to validate the collateral casualties when life is messy makes the experience of grief less lonely. (See a sample Give InKind Support Page for Someone Coping with grief or loss in Need of a Little Extra.)

Care Calendar

Demonstrate a general knowledge of the situation at hand. Grieving a loss – either by death, or separation, or the end of the journey that did not produce the longed-for goal – is hard work. That said, people still need basics. Depending upon the specific situation, consider the areas of life that might become harder. Is childcare extra painful because a beloved stepchild is no longer present in a home? In many circumstances, the support needed will be around simple validation. Create little acts of kindness – as a recipient reinvents their place in a landscape where their role may have been less formal. Or, where the loss is not death, necessarily, but where a role has shifted. Use the Care Calendar to add as many actionable items that are needed to help provide care. 

  • Food: Meals and groceries are always among the most popular calendar items. Providing food feeds souls. A drop-by home-cooked meal may make it easier for a foster parent when a foster child has been removed from a foster family. People may or may not be up for receiving visitors, but it is appropriate to ask. If prepared meals are not an option (too many variables) think about setting up a Gift Card Train that includes options for takeout so that a recipient has flexibility as to how and when they use the cards. 
  • Childcare: (If applicable) If a situation is one in which children present, step in to make some fun – or create a diversion. 
  • Adult/Senior Care: See whether there are any needs required by aging loved ones. Generational understanding of what loss and validating loss varies. If you think your recipient might be accidentally invalidated when discharging duties to those they want to help, lighten their load for a bit and give them some protective coverage. 
  • Pet Care: (If applicable) Are there pets to care for? Make sure to check in on this point. 
  • Home Services: From maintenance appointments to helping with chores around the house, use this category for any home services, such as scheduled maintenance, and yard work. It’s hard to process complex grief or loss in a vacuum. It’s easy to let things go a bit. 
  • Other: “Other” is the ultimate catch-all category. This is a great way to create opportunities for connection that can sometimes get lost. This is especially true when the recipient is not always included in assistance to 1. a more traditionally supported group (the family of origin of someone struggling/who is ill/who has died, or 2. where a loss cuts deep – but there it hides in the crevices of loss, confusion, or sadness – for example, the death of a beloved service dog for a child on the autism spectrum. For things like this, text a lot. Be in touch. Create fun movie nights, drop off little gifts. 

Fundraising

People will have different financial circumstances. Make sure to identify a person who will be able to ask about this in a gentle and non-judgmental manner. If there is such a need, simply enable the fundraising button on your Give InKind page and connect your PayPal and/or GoFundMe account.

Wishlist

The Give InKind Wishlist is another opportunity for others to meaningfully support a person in need of a little extra help. Browse Give InKind’s curated list for suggested items that could help in their unique situation. In addition to take-out, you can include other more non-traditional gift cards as well. When you see an item that could be helpful, use the “+” icon to add to their Wishlist. 

You may also add an existing Amazon Wishlist to your Give InKind page.

Communication Preferences

Use Give InKind’s do-not-disturb section to let others know about the recipient’s communication preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences can be easily adjusted as the situation changes.

  • Phone Calls: What is the best way for others to reach out – a phone call or text? Asking about preferences lets them know they are being thought of even if they aren’t always up for talking. Many people appreciate expressions of support even if they can’t respond immediately. 
  • Visitors: Does the recipient want visitors? If so, when? 
  • Flowers: Is the recipient open to receiving flowers? Some people may welcome them. However, in this particular situation, they are not necessarily the thing that is most necessary.

Updates

Add unlimited updates to keep friends and family informed. This is a great place for a designated page manager to keep family and friends up to date or for the recipient to “blog” or “journal” their experience. 

Managing losses and life-altering sadnesses is made more difficult in the absence of validation. Simply letting someone know you understand they are struggling to understand is incredibly meaningful. Create your Give InKind Support Page here.

If you have any further questions, visit Give InKind’s Help Center or view our helpful articles about how to support someone coping with other kinds of loss/grief.