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New Mom Fog – Please let me get some sleep!

Advice from the new mom and new baby sleep expert

As many moms will tell you – it is a blur those first few months after your baby is born. Up all night, trying to figure out cues for when they want to eat, sleep or burp and how to simply get a nap in at sometime in someplace.

We asked Meredith Kinney who is a certified Gentle Sleep Coach, and owner of Well Rested Family, her expert advice for families with new babies at home, who are struggling to make the transition back to a good night’s sleep.

With the help from these tips, we hope you will be on your way to a more restful night – for you and baby!

Keep a sleep and feeding log. When you are home with a newborn, and sleep deprived yourself, days start to blend together. The log will give you an accurate account of the baby’s day, and you can begin to look for patterns in behavior. Share it with others who are helping to provide care so they can keep the baby on the same schedule.
At 0-4 months spoil your newborn! Don’t be afraid of creating bad habits during this time. Enjoy your baby. Do what you need to get them to sleep.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Don’t overwhelm yourself with a to do list, ask others who want to help to assist with cleaning, doing dishes or throwing in a load of laundry for you. These are easy to schedule on your InKind Care calendar.
Ask for help! When you are feeling overwhelmed (which is very likely) understand it’s ok to take a break from the baby for self care. Take a walk, get a coffee, get your nails done. There is no guilt here!
At four months, you can start making a schedule because at this time huge developmental leaps begin in your baby’s brain to make it possible for them to start learning new skills. Stay flexible because every baby is different, and what worked one week for your baby may need tweaking in the coming weeks.
Babies thrive on routine and predictability. Going to sleep, waking up and napping at the same time each day helps to keep the baby’s internal clock consistent and will help with quality sleep. During this time your baby will start to know what to expect at certain times of day. The bedtime and naptime routines will cue baby about what’s coming next.
Typically, scheduled naps don’t come together until your baby is about 6 months old. Try to stick to a basic schedule but don’t stress if the baby is not cooperating, give it some time and watch for those cues.
Sleepy cues are yawns, tugging at ears or hair, fussiness, lack of interest, and eyes becoming unfocused. Wake windows are the time between the wake in the morning, each nap, and bedtime. They will expand as a baby gets older but generally a 5-6 month old baby should not go longer than 3 hours between sleeps.
At around 5-6 months, it’s important to begin to cut the feed to sleep association. This will help when the baby is older and does not need to eat in the middle of the night.
Putting baby down awake will help them learn to put themselves to sleep, and more importantly, back to sleep in the middle of the night without help from you. Start around 5-6 months 1x a day and increase from there.

Most importantly, don’t worry if it’s not clicking for your child right away. There are many developments happening in your baby’s mind. There are experts to help if things seem overwhelming. Never be afraid to ask for support.

About the Expert: Meredith Kinney is the mother of two boys and lives in Hainesport, NJ. Meredith discovered the Gentle Sleep Coaching Program through a friend and thought it was a great way to help fellow moms, and stay connected to her community. The Gentle Sleep Coach Program, developed by Kim West LCSW-C, is the first and most extensive professional sleep coach training and certification program available. The program involves over 80 hours of training with a facultypanel that includes 2 medical doctors, a psychologist, an attorney, lactation counselor, postpartum doulas and a family therapist.

Meredith offers free, no obligation, 15 minute phone consultations which you can book through her website Well Rested Family. She also provides tips and tricks on her Facebook and Instagram.

How to help your baby “Spring Forward” to the time change

On Sunday, March 14, we will “Spring Forward” and move our clocks ahead an hour. Babies and toddlers may be affected by this change more than you would think. Here are a few tips from certified Gentle Sleep Coach, Meredith Kinney, to help ease the transition.

First, plan ahead. Make sure your child is getting adequate naps the week before the time change. This way they will be well-rested, and better able to adjust to the change ahead. We always say sleep begets sleep; the more sleep your baby gets, the better they will be at sleeping.

Second, on the day of the time change, be prepared for your child’s bedtime to feel earlier, possibly interrupting your daily routine of dinner or after dinner family time.

Third, take your child outside first thing in the morning. Getting some sunlight will help the baby’s internal clock to adjust. (and yours as well!)

There are two methods for dealing with the time change.

The first method is the Do Nothing Method. Act like it is a normal day. For most families, this is the easiest thing to do. However, be aware that your baby has now lost an hour of sleep. Watch their sleep cues for the day, and be aware that they may indeed be a little “off”. Put them to bed at their regular time, say 7PM, but remember this was 6PM yesterday. With this do nothing method, it may take a few days for their sleep to regulate, and their meals and naps to adjust as well.

The second method is the Gradually Adjust Method. This method is for children who are a little more alert, and less likely to self-adjust to a change in their schedule. In this instance, the new 7PM (which was 6PM yesterday) may be too early for them to go to sleep. You can split the difference for a few days, putting them to bed at 7:30 and slowly making the bedtime earlier in the upcoming days. Also, try to be as consistent as possible with their feeding and nap schedules during these days.

The most important thing to remember is to watch your child during these first few days. Try to read their sleepy cues, and respond accordingly. Every child is different, and some may take longer than others to adjust to this new time.

About the Expert: Meredith Kinney is the mother of two boys and lives in Hainesport, NJ. Meredith discovered the Gentle Sleep Coaching Program through a friend and thought it was a great way to help fellow moms, and stay connected to her community. The Gentle Sleep Coach Program, developed by Kim West LCSW-C, is the first and most extensive professional sleep coach training and certification program available. The program involves over 80 hours of training with a faculty panel that includes 2 medical doctors, a psychologist, an attorney, lactation counselor, postpartum doulas, and a family therapist.

Meredith offers free, no obligation, 15 minute phone consultations which you
can book through her website Well Rested Family. She also provides tips and tricks on her Facebook and Instagram pages.

I’m OK with the term rainbow baby – this is why.

The day my daughter died was the darkest day of my life.

There is nothing that can prepare you for waddling into an ultrasound, 8 months pregnant, and having a doctor look into your terrified eyes as he says “I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat.”

As the ground fell out from underneath me, a fog filled my brain that wouldn’t leave for months. Big, heavy tears clouded my vision as I survived the next 36 hours – long hours as I waited for my husband to fly home, as I labored through the birth I had dreamed of my whole life (this was nothing like I had dreamed of), as I held my beautiful, perfect, 6lb 9oz daughter Layla. Every time I blinked, dreams rolled down my face, soaking my shirt like the milk that would come in days later, my body unaware that there was no baby to feed.

As I was wheeled out of the hospital in the darkness of night, clutching a pillow, I felt certain I would never, ever feel the sunshine on my face again. How could I? The last package I received in the mail was art for my daughter’s nursery, You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine. My bones felt as cold as my belly did empty. My husband tucked me into bed where I’d stay for a week that followed, unable to speak a word to anyone.

But we lived in Southern California – even in November, you can only hide from the sun for so long. After a week, we took our first walk. I pulled my hooded sweatshirt over my head, blocking the world from my peripheral vision, as I focused on the two block walk to the beach. We walked straight to the shoreline and set three paper cranes that we had folded at her baby shower out to sea. Wishes from loved ones, never to be read. The sun burned like lightning on the back of my sweatshirt as I retreated for safety.

It was in the months that followed that I learned of the term rainbow baby – a name given to a baby born shortly after the loss of a previous baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth or death in infancy. This term is used because a rainbow typically follows a storm, giving us hope of what’s to come.

My baby was not a storm. But the days and weeks and months that followed losing her were. And like a storm, my grief swirled and changed every day, starting as a constant downpour and eventually slowing to a drizzle. Until, one day, a small stream of light.

Pregnancy after loss is terrifying. It is living face to face with your worst fear, and knowing that there is nothing you can do to change the outcome. You survive every day by focusing on that small stream of light, even as the clouds try and overwhelm you, threatening rain just around the corner.

And then one day, one year and six days after the rain started, the clouds parted and let the sun beam in. I held my newborn son and felt the warmth my body had missed. I squinted into the sun as I was wheeled out of the same hospital doors, in the brightness of day, and the world had never looked so colorful. So full of hope.

My rainbow baby.

I now have two little boys who fill my life with more color (and noise) than I could have ever imagined. We talk about their sister and celebrate her life and yes, throw rainbow themed birthday parties, because they brought the sun to shine right along with the rain – and without the both of those, there wouldn’t be rainbows.